Season of Singleness.
By Alyssa Melin
Finding Joy and Purpose during the Wait
Seasons… always changing. Some last longer than we want. Some go by so fast. Have you ever had a season you were desperately wanting to move on from? Or wanted to jump full force into the next season to see the next adventure ahead, but then later realized you just missed out on what was at hand? Ever find yourself daydreaming of the future, thinking of who your spouse will be, or feeling like you are missing out on something? Do you ever compare your season of life with those around you and wonder why you are stuck in this lonely place? Has God forgotten you?
Well, ladies, you are in luck! I have been there – at 31 years old, I’ve spent many years longing and waiting. I have been in your shoes for a season of waiting that I don’t always understand or appreciate. I am still in this season of waiting and wanted to share some things I have learned and am learning along the way. I hope this encourages your soul. As you read this post, know that I spent time praying for each of you, whatever season you may be in, that the Lord would meet you right where you are at and that you would be encouraged and challenged through reading the words the Lord has put on my heart. Know that it does not mean that I have it all together or have figured it all out. Waiting is hard, but here is what has helped me during this time. Recently I have found more joy and fulfillment during this season and have seen it in a new perspective and light—as a gift. Here are some of the things I made a priority in this season and things I have applied during this season.
LEARN MY IDENTITY.
Reading and praying through Psalm 139 for a season. Letting each truth sink over me and become a part of who I am and who God says I am. When lies creep in, this is the passage I return to. Pray the Psalms. It has helped me process and grow in intimacy with the Lord.
HANG OUT WITH MY LADIES.
Not just any ladies, but specifically my sisters in Christ are the ones who uplift my soul. They draw me to Christ. We have fun together, laugh together, cry together and challenge each other to grow in Christ. These ladies are only a phone call away and will be there in a challenging moment. In a moment of loneliness, these ladies are the ones I call. I am learning from my married friends to cherish this girl time as it changes once you are married. This time is harder to come by.
JOURNALING.
I bring my fears, my insecurities, my doubts, my thoughts, and my prayers to the Lord and find so much peace when I give these thoughts to him.
THANKFULNESS PUMPKIN.
Speaking of fall…. It’s important to remember what God is doing and write down milestones. Intentionally see His faithfulness in this season. This is my second year writing something I am thankful for daily on a pumpkin. It has made my gratitude more tangible and given me a daily time for prayer and reflection…with a pumpkin no less. Gotta keep it fun and interesting!
MY PROFILE.
When dating online, you have to create a profile and look through guys’ profiles. Oftentimes the focus is on the guy’s profile. What type of guy are you looking for? Have you ever asked that question? It is so easy to think of what type of guy you want to marry, traits you want him to have… but have you ever turned that question on yourself. Am I a godly woman? What type of guy am I attracting? How do I become a Godly woman for my spouse? Become the woman of God you were designed to be to maybe someday attract the man of God He intended you to be with and serve alongside. Lately, I have been asking myself these questions and truly diving into the word, prayer, and creating different habits.
ACCOUNTABILITY.
We need accountability in staying pure of heart and mind and living a godly life. I have ladies I can text at any point in time. We hold each other accountable every single day and we pray over the phone for each other when we struggle. Ask the hard questions—love each other through moments of failure and listen to each other and support one another. I have mentors in my life who are farther in life and offer wisdom and direction within singleness and help me in relationship guidance so I don’t have blind eyes — they see things more clearly and I listen to their thoughts and perspectives.
LEAN INTO TRUST.
Oftentimes I want to be in control or grip things tightly. Reading Psalm 25 and Proverbs 3:5-6 have been verses that I turn to often to shift my focus. It helps me leave things more in the Lord’s hands and with a loosened grip on my life and the way it looks. His plans are way better than mine and I sometimes struggle to see that.
PODCASTS.
Listen to sermons on singleness, becoming a godly spouse, and how to live a life shaped by God.
Here are two of my favorites:
FIND MY CALLING.
God calls us to live with purpose in every season. I don’t want to just become like those I date and wait around to live life. I want to “Live a life worthy of the calling” (Ephesians 4:1) I have received. That calling doesn’t just begin once I have found the man of my dreams. I want to fulfill that calling even now… in this season. I want to apply 1 Timothy 4:12 and be an example to those around me by my speech, my conduct, my love, my faith and my purity. A man should sharpen me and I should sharpen him if it is meant to be that we are together and this is something I can practice now in where the Lord has placed me. For me, that has looked like discipling women by walking alongside them as they are in college and hosting kids in respite care at my home in my extra bedroom. These moments serving others have been some of the sweetest moments in my singleness and where I have seen great fruitfulness and the goodness of God.
ACCOMPLISH MY BUCKET LIST.
What are some things you won’t be able to do once you are dating or in the next season? What are some dreams and ambitions you want to accomplish? Why wait?
Those are some of the things I have tried to invest in during my time of singleness. What tugged on your heart? What did you feel a nudge from the Lord to apply? It’s never too late to change your waiting to be more of an active participation in the season. God can do amazing things in and through you.
What did you feel a nudge from the Lord to apply?
Biography:
Alyssa Melin was born and raised in MN. She’s passionate about coming alongside other women and helping them grow in Christ. She loves spending time with friends, taking care of her nephews, enjoys the outdoors and interacting with her patients at her job as a dental hygienist.
